Spiritual Mentoring

[helwen]

Was thinking more on that spiritual mentoring thing that's part of the 2nd degree curriculum... was sorting through how things can be defined in different ways, and realized that spiritual mentoring isn't just answering questions about different religions (yeah, that's what I was doing in high school, oy). AODA studies can be good for getting you to think about things in different ways. I knew going in that my major stumbling block was going to be figuring out what different labels and names meant, what people mean when they're talking about something or other. I've never been a great one for separating things out and giving each thing a name. Besides, many things are actually more than one thing at the same time, because so many elements of life and living are interrelated in many different ways. Life really isn't well-suited to being put in a box.

Anyway, back to spiritual mentoring. It can be about advising and/or encouraging people to pursue what is true in their lives, instead of pursuing "security" or "the big paycheck". If you can attain some security, that's great, but it shouldn't be at the cost of living a life that makes sense to you, with which you can be thoroughly and completely happy. I tend to put myself in the category of cheerleader and fellow brainstormer as far as this goes, but I think it could be considered a type of spiritual mentoring. A life without hope for the future, without dreams, is not a spiritually fulfilled life.

A lot of folks will say, "well that's great, but how am I going to eat and keep a roof over my head while pursuing my dream life?" -- a very good question. And, maybe you have to work at a lousy job while figuring out how to attain your goals. But the important thing is to remember to make the time to work on what your future is going to be like.

Figure out what you can do right now. Can't have a farm yet? What about a small garden -- not the same scale, but you can experiment, discover at least some of what's involved, whether or not you can do it -- or which crops you have a gift for growing and and which ones you don't. Do research, read -- there are lots of good books out there, either for purchase or at the local library. There are organizations who want to help. Every state in the U.S. has a Cooperative Extension, whose purpose in life is to help people trying to grow plants and/or raise animals. This research will help train you for your future, and will also help to keep your dream alive.

It's the same with writing -- there are books out there, poetry or story-writing groups (local or online), magazines and web sites for submitting stories to (just ask hyperbard, who does a lot of stuff online, ellid, who's had articles published and is off to do research for a paper and eventual books, and of course a couple other friends of mine in Oregon, who have a number of books out). There is a lot people can do without much money.

And of course, it's the same with any goal. The ones worth having are usually harder to get -- you should see the goals that L and I have :D

The problem with personal life goals, at least for a number of folks I know, is that what they want to attain doesn't fall into standard careers. The problem being that now you're working with less (or no) net to catch you. Darn scary for most folks, and why not?

When I left Jenzabar years ago to do more with artwork and figure out what else I wanted to do, I had a safety net of sorts, that L had a job -- but he wanted to leave too (boredom will do that), so we had to have some kind of income. He started working as a contractor for one of his brothers, and after a few months I found a decent temp agency. Office jobs generally bore me, but temping meant a regular change of scene, which made it more bearable. And I actually enjoyed working at some of them, because there are good folks everywhere. But even that safety net wasn't much of a net at times -- we went into it knowing that we'd be cutting our income by 25-30%, and only so much of it could be compensated for by reducing our commute, cooking at home, etc. There were times when L was out shopping for contracts because his brother's company wasn't getting enough of them -- times were pretty tight for C and his family too.

A funny thing happened though -- because we were open to opportunities, opportunities appeared. We left our old jobs holding onto the belief (sometimes fervently prayed on) that things would work out. One of L's contracts literally happened because he ran into someone he used to work for, in a parking lot. They chatted a bit, caught up on things a little, exchanged contact information. Come Y2K programming time, he got the contract to check their work and make sure things would work out (and troubleshoot when there was a hitch over New Year's -- it's lots of people like L that are the reason Y2K wasn't a "big deal"). You see, they were still using the programs he'd written for them, 15 years before.... and that work led to other projects for that company.

As for me, I learned a lot about how to have a quality life on very little money, including redecorating and renovating things on the house (we have stuff, and I'm good at making things and re-purposing things). We became less attached to outside entertainments like movies, and I think that's just fine. We tried out merchanting for a year or so, and decided that it wasn't the life for us -- we still sell at Birka and the local craft fair, but I hate the travelling and packing and toting. What we love is sharing the things we make and the stories behind them. We usually make a little bit at Birka, but if we had to pay ourselves an hourly wage, I expect it would be break-even at best.

Happiness was re-defined during this time. Daily thankfulness for food on the table and a roof over our heads, fairly decent health, taking the time to enjoy nature in all its wonder, walks around the neighborhood, company of friends, weeding in the garden, and more.

L and I always had a good time together, but when our old company merged with several others and our jobs changed, that shook us out of our comfortable life. The quiet dissatisfaction with our lives as they were had been growing, and the merger brought it out with a roar. The simple happinesses of life are important, but we'd fallen behind on our larger goals, distracted by the 'wonders' of the modern life. He's always wanted to move back to the country, so we started the long trail toward that goal. And while we still aren't at our final destination, we are a lot closer than we were.

It's been good getting used to doing more for ourselves, eating better, requiring less. We're not suffering from the changes we've made and we'll be tightening the belt more this year. If we want the big prize, we're going to have to save a lot of money. We still have our SCA obligations, and there are still some books I'd like to get for the library, maybe see a few movies -- and of course there's the internet, at least for now.

But there are other things we can and will reduce. And, we have research to do, on how to accomplish our goals. Because we'll need help. Buying a farm takes a lot of money, and you can't buy just any piece of land, it has to have certain basic features or you won't succeed.

In the meantime, while we haven't achieved the material goal of a farm, we do have most everything we could want as far as what's important to the health of our spirits. We aren't exactly where we might like to be as far as fitness, better harmony with nature, skills that would be more in line with the type of lives we'd like to live, but we are in the process.

And really, I think that's what's important to think about and do something about. Learning to be in harmony with yourself. Not easy, usually something has to be given up, the couch of denial is no longer yours once you make the decision to start down your chosen path.

The good part is that once you start down that trail, being mindful and seeking with determination, you get to replace whatever was given up with new and better gifts.

My two cents,

H
(btw, I don't claim to be an expert of any kind, but if you want to brainstorm, get help finding stuff, or just a little cheering up, feel free to drop me a line. That's my favorite kind of cheerleading -- and thank goodness I have friends who cheer me on!)

Comments

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm thinking of selling my house in about five years (it needs some work to be marketable) and moving to a condo somewhere in the Northampton/Easthampton area. Less maintenance, less energy cost, and I wouldn't break my back or risk carpal tunnel shoveling and snow blowing every winter. I'd also be in the type of place I've always loved: an apartment with neighbors and a community of sorts, instead of suburbia. A lot of old factory buildings and Victorian houses are being converted these days, and a two bedroom condo with storage in the basement would suit me just fine.

This is still very, very tentative and depends on where I'm working, how much and when Betty's estate makes its final distribution, and whether I do back to school to become a librarian, but it's looking more and more likely. But downsizing to someplace better suited to a single person instead of a family is my eventual goal.

[helwen.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a good goal, especially since Northampton is conscientiously working on sustainability as a city and community.

How is the housing market in Easthampton? Is it fairly stable?

In some areas they're predicting that prices for homes in the cities will go up and in the country they'll go down -- I guess the suburbs are anybody's guess.

Hampshire County in general is one of the better counties to be selling in, that much I know. But I have no idea what things will be like 5 years from now -- neither does anyone else, I expect. Still, the colleges tend to keep things somewhat stable, I think.

Downsizing to a smaller place within a community sounds great though.

Librarian, hm? The nearest program to here is in Andover, I think.... or possibly further. OTOH, Wales is nice, and there's a great program over there ;)

[rtropeano.livejournal.com]

My boss lives in East Hampton and is constantly complaining about political issues there. I have no idea if they are real or imagined, but I would certainly suggest looking into that prior to moving there. I love Northampton. Very positive place to be.

[helwen.livejournal.com]

Sorry, clarification. ellid already lives in Easthampton, which is why I asked her how the housing market was there. She'll need to consider timing for moving, so that it's to her best advantage when selling.

Although since Easthampton is getting to be more like Northampton, vis-a-vis cost of housing, it may be less of an issue for her.

[rtropeano.livejournal.com]

I should read more carefully. Sorry about that

[helwen.livejournal.com]

No worries. I don't remember where everyone lives either :) I don't think it was that obvious from what I wrote, unless you know everyone's background.

We looked at Easthampton some years ago, L and I, but the prices were skyrocketing at the time, and although ellid doesn't mind it, I wanted to be closer to getting on 91 at the time, not have to deal with poking along through Northampton to get to it. She's really good with the back roads of course, plus we have different driving habits.

Now, of course, I'm _really_ off the highway :D

[hyperbard.livejournal.com]

1) Yes, I'm absolutely available if anyone here has questions about writing online (and off).

2)Helwen, if you guys ever decide to go off the grid completely, let me know; I'm one of the few people I know who still will correspond via actual letters:)

[helwen.livejournal.com]

1) Great, I was pretty sure that was that case :)

2) LOL! You know, I've been thinking about trying to do some letter writing. I have a bunch of stationery I've gotten over the years, waiting to be used....

Although one reason I'll be sending out some letters is because I want to catch some people up on the last year or so of our doings, and then get as many email addresses as possible. For as long as we're on the internet, which I expect to be for a good while yet, I'd like to save on sending out holiday cards -- yes, even though I make them for sale. We don't really need the millions of cards that are made every year... not all my relatives have email, so I can use the cards I still have to send out to those folks, plus I've saved some of the cards we received over the years, so I can re-use them -- just cut out the artwork and paste it onto another piece of paper.... or, paste a heavy piece of paper over the inside greeting, depending on how much writing's on the inside. I happen to have a lot of spare envelopes, but they're easy enough to make, too.

[gigglingwizard.livejournal.com]

This kind of cheerleading can help boost someone's resolve when they've already made the plunge and are having trouble keeping a roof over their head. That's where I'm at now. For years--my whole adult life, really--I've wanted to farm. I did as you said, keeping a garden when I could, growing something in a container inside when I couldn't, foraging, raising rabbits and chickens, etc.

But I couldn't afford a farm, so I had to make a living. My second choice for a career, if I couldn't be a farmer, was law enforcement. I was a police officer (a job not known for big money, but it was a steady paycheck) for six years. My wife and I had put together a three-year plan for finally getting our farm, then I lost my job and found myself suddenly unemployable in my field. (http://gigglingwizard.livejournal.com/342393.html) I've been making ends meet by finding odd jobs on Craig's list.

Meanwhile, interest in local, naturally grown food has increased dramatically, and there are at least half a dozen farmers markets nearby. I read Joel Salatin's You Can Farm, and it radically changed the way I looked at farming. He said that buying a farm is a wealth preservation strategy, not a wealth acquisition strategy. Buying a farm is not the way to get started in farming, but rather a goal to work towards while farming. So I'm doing it: this year I'm going to borrow or lease any nearby land I can for growing vegetables, and I'm going to increase my flock. We're going to vend at a farmers market and hope to get enough exposure through that to build up a customer base for a CSA next year. It's risky, and it's scary right now, so close to the start of planting season with no land, no startup money, and no credit to borrow money. Whereas I thought I was going to have to save a lot of money and wait three years to be a farmer, I'm starting right away and doing it on a shoestring.

Best of luck with your own aspirations! :)

[helwen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you've been having a pretty tough time there. I think you've been amazingly adaptive and resourceful though, with the jobs, Craig's List and such. Your plan for leasing/borrowing land sounds like a good one, scary as it no doubt is -- hm, maybe you'll be able to find someone who will accept some food from the land in payment?

I'm kind of hopeful that we can expand the garden enough to do some farmer's market stuff locally too. We're very lucky that we can do it here on L's parent's farm. Might be some negotiating to do (we're also hoping to have some space for a few friends to grow stuff too), but it could be a good way to get known, as you said. At least you already have the experience with growing food crops and raising critters -- much better than going into it completely fresh.

Thanks for the well wishes, and best of luck to you as well!

[oakmouse]

Excellent post --- thank you!

Spiritual mentoring has a fairly wide definition. Anything you can do to help feed people's spiritual work or help them increase their spiritual wellbeing counts. Helping people achieve their dreams and/or crucial goals frequently falls under that heading. Remember you can always ask the Grand Grove or the Grand Archdude if you need advice/feedback. ;)

[helwen.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

It did seem to me that both daily living and long-term goals were things that should be suffused with what one believes. Being true to that is part of how people can keep going, even when life isn't so hot, and give one that extra bit with which to push the limits, take the risk, etc.

I do sometimes enjoy the more obviously spiritual types of conversations too, and one thing some of us end up doing is breaking all the rules of polite society around here, which can be fun.... for some reason, a bunch of folks around here have gotten into all sorts of conversations on religion, at parties. One of the best ones was probably a few years ago at ellid's house, for a New Year's Eve party. It was before my friend prince_hring moved back to Canada... we had representatives (current or former) for Catholicism, Episcopalian, Judaism, Wiccan, and I think another type of Pagan religion. Although that was more of a comparative religions discussion, we also got into how some versions of Christianity were still living traditions and which weren't.

What bogs me down is when people want to get into the nitty gritty details of a particular religion... for the most part I really don't care about the different variations on Christianity, for instance. Heretical, I know... speaking of which, keeping track of the various heresies is a headache, and one I'd just as soon forget.

But talking with folks about what turns the light on in their eyes and hearts for them, that's different. Now we're talking about our connections to creation, which is definitely worth encouraging; a connected person is more likely to be in balance with the world :)

[rtropeano.livejournal.com]

That is a good a definition as any for where my questions come from. I want to know what turns the light one in their eyes without getting any of the judgemental crap that comes from so many people about any religion.

This whole post of yours sparked me into making the call that led to my recent post on God providing. (or use the Universe, your higher power or what ever the proper term for you is here) I think that one of the things so overlooked in the Christian churches is being in balance with the world and creation.